9 Ways to boost your self-esteem

We all know how highly regarded “having” high self-esteem is nowadays, and it’s easy to understand why this would be the case. Self-esteem refers to the subject self-evaluation of a person of their own “worth” or “value”. A person’s sense of perceived “worth” should never be influenced by one’s abilities, qualities or judgment, but sometimes not getting influenced by external factors is easier said than done. If you want to survive in today’s world, building resilience and developing and maintaining a positive sense of self is an important skill to safeguard your mental and emotional well-being.

Studies have found that people with high self-esteem, or the ones who are good at faking it, tend to have better mental health, experience less anxiety and depression, and have a more positive outlook on life. They are also more likely to have fulfilling relationships and be more resilient in the face of challenges and failures, as well as having better academic and career outcomes, and tending to perform better.

In social media and films and tv series, self-esteem is portrayed as a highly desirable trait, usually associated with men in a position of power or with the “Samanthas”. Characters who exude confidence and charisma are portrayed as sought-after and super achievers.

That is a lot huh? To be honest, reading about all the desirable results of being the perfect human being and having a god-like self-esteem is just making me feel worse about myself. It comes as no surprise that the obsession with striving for perfection can cause stress or anxiety for some people. Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself or comparing yourself to Christian Bale in Batman can lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.

The need for validation and approval from others is a tiring full-time job that can turn into a vicious cycle, in which you might end up prioritizing other people’s values and needs, sacrificing yours and leaving feeling worse than you did before. A quote by Danish theologian Søren Kierkegaard comes to mind: “I have just returned from a party of which I was the life and soul; wit poured from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me–but I went away– and wanted to shoot myself.”

Let’s try not to get to that point, shall we? Balancing self-acceptance and recognising your value, while acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses is the right approach to a healthy sense of self-worth that will lead to greater well-being.

9 tips on how to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem

1. Set realistic goals

Identify your strengths, identify areas where you could use some improvement, but first of all identify achievable goals that you could feel comfortable working on.

2. Practice body neutrality

Taking care of yourself and your body can mean many things, from exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep, to practicing meditation and relaxation techniques. Once you’re at it, I advise you to look into “body neutrality”. Body neutrality is a movement that has emerged after the “body positivity” wave, it encourages people to adopt a neutral stance towards their bodies, rather than striving for constant positivity or negativity. This approach focuses on treating the body as a functional tool, rather than an object to be scrutinized or judged on.

3. Surround yourself with positive people

Cut out toxic people from your life, anyone bringing you down or criticizing you only for the sake of criticism is not worth listening to. Having a support system around you can have a tremendous positive impact on your life and well-being.

4. Learn new skills

Learn to challenge yourself, you might be surprised at how good you are at something. It can help you feel more self-reliant and confident in what you do and in what you’re capable of learning. The cool thing about learning new skills is that once you learn one, expanding your skill set comes easier.

5. Practice self-compassion

Treat yourself with understanding, just as you would treat a close friend or a family member. Whenever I mess up, or someone around me does, I always try to see them as “someone’s family member”. You would not scream at your mother or your cousin for messing up your Starbucks order, would you? Then why are you screaming at yourself?

6. Engage in activities you enjoy

Play music, spend time with the people you love, go hiking and engage in other activities you enjoy doing and that bring you satisfaction. Fulfilling activities will provide opportunities for you to learn new things and to feel like a more interesting and engaged person.

7. Support your community

Supporting your local community and engaging in grassroots organizations can boost your self-esteem by giving you a sense of purpose and accomplishment, as well as helping you develop a stronger bond with people around you and make you feel part of something bigger.

8. Dress for success

Look for clothes that compliment your body and make you feel relaxed and comfortable. I’ve noticed how my confidence peaks when wearing baggy, loose-fitting “street style” clothes rather than heels and a tight dress. Whether you like a masculine or feminine look, baggy or tight, preppy or laid back, find what works best for you and go crazy.

9. Seek professional help

If a sense of low self-esteem is impacting your life in a way you can’t bear anymore, consider seeking the help of a therapist or a counselor. They can help you work through your issues and teach you how to develop healthy coping mechanisms.